AD/HD children intuitively know something is different about them, and they need an explanation. As parents, we need to be honest with them about the disorder, but we don’t need to present them with a scientific paper on AD/HD. How do we structure this delicate conversation so our children get the information they need? Dr. Linda Mintle gives us tips to make the discussion a positive and constructive one.
How do you talk to your child about AD/HD? My best advice is to be honest about the disorder.
Your child intuitively knows something is different and needs an explanation. To say that nothing is wrong is misleading and will confuse your child.
On the other hand, you don’t have to present your child with a scientific paper on AD/HD.
Keep your explanation simple and developmentally appropriate.
AD/HD has been described to kids in these ways:
It’s similar to kids who have difficulty seeing and need eyeglasses to focus their vision. You have problems filtering out the things you don’t want to focus on. Treatment will help you filter better – like getting the right pair of glasses.
It’s as if your brain is a speeding train that needs to slow down.
Some parents use examples of volcanoes, super heroes, robots, etc. – these are examples of things that need extra control for their intense energy.
Some kids will ask for more information. Give them what they need to make sense of the disorder and understand treatment.
Be positive, and don’t use shaming language like “bad,” “defective,” “weird,” “disturbed,” “special,” “mental,” “hyper,” etc.
Use language kids understand and give specific examples.
For example, don’t say, “You act impulsively.” Instead, point out the specific behavior, e.g., “You ran out into the street after the ball without looking for oncoming cars.”
The more specific you can be, the easier it is for your child to understand the areas of needed change.
Give older children books to read about AD/HD if they are interested.
Books may answer questions they were afraid to ask or couldn’t put into words.
Some communities offer support groups for teens that focus on strategies to help them through school and cope with peer relationships.
Siblings often feel the AD/HD child gets more than his or her share of attention.
At times, the behavior of an AD/HD child can be taxing and frustrating for siblings.
Help them understand the disorder as well, and encourage them to express their feelings. You don’t want them to build up anger and resentment towards their brother or sister.
It’s good to schedule private time with siblings and do a check on how family life is going from their point of view.
Don’t label your child and expect problem behavior because of this disorder.
The diagnosis should help you work effectively with him or her to bring out his or her gifts and talents and decrease frustration.
Your child may not be wired like you are, but that doesn’t mean he or she can’t be a successful person in life.
Your attitude and expectations will influence who your child becomes. Stay positive, encouraged and blessed.
Always seek wisdom, and God will give it to you.
Dr. Mintle – author, professor, Approved Supervisor and Clinical Member of the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy – is a speaker and media personality, as well as a licensed clinical social worker with 20 years in psychotherapy practice. For more articles by Dr. Linda S. Mintle, go to Counseling and Advice on the Health Channel.
